Hi, I am Soph. I’m 14 and have created a blog not for attention but to be able to message others feeling the way i do. I have always had a very low self-esteem but when called ‘bigger’ everything changed. I grew up not knowing about calories or diets, i never judged people for their weight and was a shy, happy girl. It started subconsciously, I’d skip the extra cookie or cracker, but before i knew it i was getting better grades in maths from adding calories. I got a thigh gap, smaller wrists and collar bones I thought it would make me happier. It didn’t, i felt so depressed and tired all the time. I lost all my friends, my grades dropped a lot. I faked being ill so i didn’t have to eat. My best friend of two/three years wouldn’t talk to me, i was so alone. Summer came and i gained weight, so my family wouldn’t suspect anything, and i felt much happier. When September came I found myself  where i was before. As at school the teachers stress you, girls compare themselves to you and (most of all) your alone when you do your homework, well at least i am. Everything got worst i turned to bulimia and restricted even more. i lost 5.2 kg in one and a half month. Which for me was a lot. In the lead up to the festive time i lost control of my eating arrangements (as of the break off school) I needed some control in my life and i saw a blade. The sence of power was amazing that first night however the next night i had to try to do more that i had done before. And that brings us to where i am now, i would say i have just summarised my last year to year and half above. I write a diary on my weight progress and love ding it but i would love to be able to connect with others and here seemed appropriate. So this is goodbye for now but i will chat more soon. xx Soph